“An Altered State of Mind” by Imaan Siddiq

An Altered State of Mind

It echoes in my head,

The words that couldn’t cross my lips.

The melodies I couldn’t sing.

It echoes in my head,

The voice I lost.

And the wails of my inner demons.

 

It envisions in my mind,

The past I regret.

The dead set of circumstances I felt.

It envisions in my mind,

The altered desire of a former wish,

And the fading glimmer in my eyes.

 

And as I tread,

Through this thickening woodland of memories,

I apprehend,

For my only sin is the bold entrance,

That widens the eyes in perplexity.

 

And as I descend,

In the blinding undyed void of whiteness.

I apprehend that I am as pale as,

The sclera of your eyes,

As your aunt’s gown at your grandfather’s death,

And as the flash of light,

Right before you died.

 

And as I remain buried in my subconsciousness,

I apprehend that I am as dark,

As the ink I write with,

As dark as the retina of your eyes,

And as charred as your burnt memoirs.

 

Why do I see beauty where there shall be none,

For I see beauty in your absurdity,

And beauty isn’t only seen by the eyes.

 

And it heaves in my heart,

The emotions I couldn’t feel,

The guilt of my sins,

The Battle of Courage I lost.

And it heaves in my heart,

To wonder,

Why do I grip the pen so hard?

Why do I love despair so much?

Why do the pearls feel like descending words of doom?

Why do my tears feel like ointment on the melanin of my skin?

Why are there so many whys?

– Imaan Siddiq

 

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