The Fear That Controls Us

The moment when everything in time and space comes to a halt, when you’re eyes blur out of sight, your body stops breathing, you bite your lips nervously, your head tilts downwards as if life has lost all meaning, the melanin in your skin turns to black ink, every inch and mile of your body loses all strength, it feels as if your heart is crushed under hundreds of weights, your ears become immune to all sounds around you, you feel as if the river is let loose for water cannot be tamed, you scrunch up your eyebrows in the effort to sustain, your mind becomes a blank white screen of oblivion and then slowly and effortlessly the apprehension of fear controlling over you steps in and hardly ever leaves.

Fear is the word that has destroyed dreams, stepped on self-confidence, welcomed pessimism, supported wrong decisions and the severe of all, taken lives. The apprehension of fear taking control over the physical and mental status of an individual comes rarely but when it does come, it destroys all hope of becoming better. Fear is that one detrimental thought that can destroy the entire field of crops worth the effort of centuries into nothing but ashes. Fear is that one guest that comes and never decides to leave until you have to forcefully push them out of your house and lock the door and the windows till eternity. There isn’t even a solid number of lives that have come to their final course because fear decided to show up. There are countless souls that have been charred for infinity due to the fire of fear. Fear is that one match that if lit will not extinguish and will set everything to fire and bring nothing but catastrophe.

grayscale photography of human skull
Photo by ahmed adly on

Fear is something that can teach only if you have the strength to learn and apply. Fear stops us from doing so much more than we can and it seems almost impossible pouring out from the heart of a pessimist but the fight with fear doesn’t have a conclusion for there will always be something that you’ll be afraid of till the day you die. There are people who claim that they are fearless but I don’t believe that there is truly a person who doesn’t fear something. Fear isn’t meant to be afraid off it is meant to be conquered, to be overcame. You see conquering your fear is the one lesson that fear can teach us and there are millions more but you just have to have the courage to experiment with this demon.

My mother always told me that the more frightened you’ll be of something, whatever it may be, the more impossible it will become for you to overcome it. The one way to disengage fear is to not let it hijack you in the first place. The first thing that I want to let you know is that no matter how strong and fearless you are you can only overcome your fear once you accept its existence and effect on you.

You need to find the weed before you pull it out and you can’t do that with the thought of ignorance in your mind. Only when you are going to accept the fact that there are weeds growing in your garden, then only will you have the courage to pull them out.

Before I get further on how to avoid fear I’ll first introduce you to its brothers and sisters.

The Infinite Types and Forms of Fear

Fear like every other bad habit and demon comes in innumerable forms and types but the root of it is similar, fear. Here is a list of common fears that I presently know off, any unknown ones will be updated upon ;-).

  1. The fear of failure. This fear is one of the most common ones, the fear of failure. It paralyzes us with failure that we forget the instructions to success. This fear stops us before we even begin and as I’ve said before, you can’t be scared of making a decision that can only give results when it is made.
  2. The fear of ‘what people will think’. This type of fear haunts us all. What will people say if I wear this, what will people say if I decide this, what will people say if I write this, what will people say if they see this, etc. This is the fear that I can proudly say that I have conquered to a limit but not completely. You see the simple answer is, as long as it makes YOU joyful, there is no question about it. Go live the one life given to you.
  3. The fear of expectations. This is a fear that I have known for a long time and I still know it. When you do something brilliant that astounds everyone they all expect you do better. Whether they are your parents, friends, family members, teachers or caretakers, whoever they are, they have expectations from you. Now before you go and talk bad about these people think rationally for a moment. People are going to have expectations from you because they think you’re worth it, they think that you deserve something. Anyone who truly looks out for you will have expectations from you but the only way to focus on your path is to try to make yourself happy first and then come to the expectations glued with you.
  4. The fear of hardships. When you come in the course of life you realise that there are difficulties and obstacles that embellish your path but the first thing we do is we start fearing them. The fear of obstacles will only depress you and not give you the courage to overcome them. Hardships were not meant to be feared, they were meant to be conquered.
  5. The fear of death. Now this type of fear depends a lot upon race, religion, culture and beliefs but in all simplicity, death is not to be feared, only to be prepared for.
  6. The fear of wrongdoing. When you grow up in your teens and then in your adulthood you apprehend that there is a certain right and wrong. Now wrongdoings differ from person to person because a sin is different for everyone but whatever is wrong for you and opposite your wellness and health it can only be avoided. Don’t fear that you’re going to fall on the wrong track, just try your level best to prevent it.
  7. The fear of the future. This is a very common fear. Almost everyone is afraid about what is going to happen in the future but this a fear that has no logistics behind it, in fact no fear is regarded with logic, fear is only but irrational. Like I said, don’t think about the package that will come when it is supposed to come, think about what is presently there. What is supposed to happen will happen at its due time, fear is only going to give you anxiety till the time it comes.
  8. The fear of losing people. Now this usually happens to sentimental people and I have nothing against them, deep down we’re all sentimental because a heart can only become of stone once it is actually there. This fear can only be reduced by making your own self strong enough to survive regardless of company or not. Yes humans do require social contact but to an extent because YOU should always come before others so give your own self company rather than relying on others and only trust those who you think are trustworthy.
  9. The fear of change. Change is a part of living and growing. When a seed is sown in the ground, slowly a shoot rises and then a stem and then flowers and fruits but the little seed doesn’t know that but instead keeps on growing and maybe at one point it might miss being a little seed but what’s done is done. Change is an opportunity to be taken to test yourself not to runaway from it or fear it. I did a detailed explanation about this in my blog, How Change Scares Us.
  10. The fear of not living life to its fullest. Now you might not have experienced this before but I have, especially living in the 21st Century and hearing so many voices and sounds and opinions. It is always said to live life to the fullest and I am a strong follower of this saying but in the midst of all action of existence you come at a point where you question yourself and then fear comes in about whether you are living your life to the fullest or not. You fear that maybe this isn’t where you should be, this isn’t what you should be doing, etc. The only thing that you can do in such a situation is to believe in yourself and in your actions and try to analyse them because in the midst of living, the only thing you can do is to live.

I’d say I’d keep this list to a ten because there are numerous fears and those mentioned above are just a bunch of them I thought were more common or I personally had severely experienced those and heard other people complain about them too. However, now that we have a little idea and a little flashback to that heart burial kind of feeling let’s see how to disarm this little demon.

Disarming Fear

“It’s not the absence of fear. It’s overcoming it.”

– Emma Watson

I’d say that this quote of this amazing woman summarises it all. I first saw it on my school board passing the corridor to get to my class after lunch break. When I saw it, I apprehended in one moment all that I had done wrong in my life. My entire life I have been afraid but more than that I have waited for fear to go away when what I should have done is to conquer it. But before my story comes into the picture, let’s talk generally.

The first thing that you can do is to realize what you fear. As I told you, apprehension and acceptance of fear are two mandatory tenets that need to be followed. I’ll tell you that there is nothing wrong with fearing something, whatever it might be, no matter how common or uncommon, a fear is a fear and there is nothing wrong with it like there is nothing wrong with crying or being sentimental. People say that you fear this and that and that you’re depressed and you need help and you’re mentally weak, etc. They are wrong. Fear is an emotion that everyone feels and it comes and it is defeated.

After you’ve realized and accepted your fears make it your one and only aim to vanquish your fear into thin air. Once you have your goal, try to consciously remind yourself of reaching it and disarming fear. Whenever fear creeps in, resist and don’t let in because when you are going to resist and fight nothing is going to take you down. Fight your fear and overcome it. Remind yourself that YOU CAN DO THIS. Tell yourself that IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. Motivate yourself in anyway possible.

If you want to include someone in your battle of fighting fear, get someone trustworthy but remember that in the end only YOU can kill the fear that you built. No one else is going to come and get you out of the rabbit hole, you have to get out of it yourself. You have to fight your battle yourself because no one else will. For example, your mother can motivate you the day before your exam but she can’t attempt it herself, you are the one who is going to attempt the exam on your own so learn to trust yourself and don’t become your own enemy and don’t add to more obstacles in your way.

Don’t wait for fear to go by itself, go and beat the hell out of that monster yourself. The only way to finish fear is to conquer it. If you think about it, fear will go temporarily if you don’t completely overcome it and then it will come back again but if you overcome it no matter how many times it comes again you’ll know how to annihilate it. You won’t wait for the weed to vanish itself instead you’ll have to go and pull it out yourself.

This fear will destroy you, it will end your life but only if YOU let it, if you give it the authority to do that. When fear starts to control us, the only way to disarm it is to take control back yourself.

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